Afton's Blessing Day

Afton was blessed by her Daddy yesterday on August 3, 2014. We were so grateful both sets of grandparents and my brother Jason could come and participate. We are grateful for the knowledge that families can be together forever.

Let's be real: I need an outlet. So, I decided to write about my adventures as a Mother of three. It's HARD. I know that babies are a lot of work. I know they require a lot of attention. What I didn't know, was my baby's temperament would get more challenging as she got older. It just goes to show every child is completely unique. Riley was hard in her infancy and I didn't know what I was doing as a new parent. She had acid reflux and probably colic. All I remember is she was not an easy baby. I was terrified to get pregnant again and thank goodness we did because we had Sage! She was an easy baby.  It was SO nice to experience a child who slept through the night at birth. She knew how to latch and nursed well right away. She seemed to be on a schedule from the beginning. Sage helped me regain confidence and tricked me into thinking I had this mothering thing down. ;) I thought I had enough experience to know how to handle another baby. I was wrong. All that I've learned about raising children so far means NOTHING since having Afton. It's like I've started all over again…except this time I have two other children to take care of. I cannot express the amount of guilt I feel every day. I feel guilty for telling my children to be quiet all.day.long. because Afton is an incredibly light sleeper. And, I need her to take those 20 minute catnaps for my sanity!! I feel guilty that I can't calm my own baby. She cries when she's awake, she cries when you try to put her to sleep and she doesn't really sleep. It's kind of a lose, lose, lose situation. I feel guilty that I can't truly enjoy this time in her life because of sheer exhaustion and the fact that I cry non-stop. I hang on to the knowledge that "this too shall pass." I love when she smiles at me. It reassures me that she in fact can be happy. I know this phase won't last forever, but it sure feels like it. I'm grateful for a caring and super helpful husband. I'm grateful for the amazing patience Riley and Sage have shown me. I seriously feel like a failure, but they keep loving me. I'm grateful for my Savior. When I feel alone and depleted (which is most of the time lately), I remember that the Savior knows what I'm going through. Heavenly Father chose me to be the mother of each of my children for a reason. I just pray I can live up to the potential He see's in me.